Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Apathy + Lack of Discipline = Wasting My Time

I have always prided myself as being disciplined. I'm not talking about the kind of discipline that allows you to forgo eating for thirty days and then light yourself on fire, but the "better than average" discipline that allows you to force yourself to exercise, work late, and still be happy. Whatever success I have achieved, be it in school or my professional life, has not been due to any intelligence advantage but instead to my ability to determine what I want, what needs to be done to achieve it, and stay focused until I get it.

That said, lately I have been a pile of unproductive mush. I guess it is related to the fact that I'm going to law school and have thus written off my career. I no longer have any desire to please my managers or show off how nifty my work or mind is. Normally, I could compensate for my lack on interest in my job by just staying disciplined and on-task and still turn out an great work product. But I'm not even doing that now, I generally turn out one or two things per week and what I do produce is getting pretty sloppy both intellectually and in content.

No one seem to notice though, my manager still praises me and I'm being recruited by other departments, and this is making my guilt slacker status grow.

Not sure what the point of this post was, other than to vent. Thanks for reading.

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